more on transformation

Commenting recently on a blog talking about how the church restricts God, I wrote, "The way of Jesus is the way for us all... suffering, death, resurrection. The sad thing is that there are few who know how to get to that place. Our self righteousness prohibits us. We are taught to avoid suffering. "Suffering is bad." "Suffering hurts."

Then today in my email I get this taken from Richard Rohr's Letting Go: A Spirituality of Subtraction:

"Do not suppose that I have come to bring peace to the earth: it is not peace I have come to bring, but a sword" (Matthew 10:34). Wow! If Jesus said this, he was surely not expecting the religion of niceness, of pretty words and feel-good experiences that we have become. He knew that Big Truth always divides before it can unite a few at a deeper level. I think most of the thousands of sermons I've heard in my life have been about “being nice” in one way or another. That's how domesticated the gospel has become--as if Jesus were a Divine Miss Manners, and the Church existed to maintain proper social order and class. Yet many are entirely content at that level, and Church has not usually been a passionate search for God. The word nice isn't found anywhere in the Bible, to my knowledge.

"There's nothing more dangerous to true religious thinking than conventional thinking, easy conformity, being like everybody else in our social group. There's no depth or power at that level. Mass consciousness is never going to be ready for anything that asks them to “die” or that does not make them feel secure and superior. So we have settled largely for civil religion and cultural Christianity. It's so much more comforting to be nice and “moral” at a small level--than to be faithful to Big Truth—which cuts us all open like a sword."

I'm not sure the church can restrict God, but I do think the church, for the most part, sees itself as responsible for "right relationship with God" by keeping moral codes and principles through discipline. This approach does not work. At least not from a heart level. Our self righteous ways will never put us in right standing with God. Performance and conformity are futile. We will eventually wear ourselves out trying to be good enough or by trying to attain some position or perform deeds that are pleasing to God. These actions eventually lead to suffering. Coming to the end of ourselves happens only when we have suffered enough. Then comes death. And, in due time, resurrection and re-creation.

"spiritual animal"

Another C.S. Lewis quote from A Grief Observed:

"Sometimes, Lord, one is tempted to say that if you wanted us to behave like the lilies of the field you might have given us an organization more like theirs. But that, I suppose, is just your grand experiment. Or no; not an experiment, for you have no need to find things out. Rather your grand enterprise. To make an organism which is also a spirit; to make that terrible oxymoron, a 'spiritual animal'. To take a poor primate, a beast with nerve-endings all over it, a creature with a stomach that wants to be filled, a breeding animal that wants its mate, and say, 'Now get on with it. Become a god'." (page 72)

We are so silly; so ill equipped it seems. Our mind machinations cause us so much unnecessary suffering. Lewis talks about us being a "spiritual animal". I think he's right. Becoming aware of this spiritual being in us is what's needed.

I'm convinced that the world we live in will continue in its lost condition if it does not come to this understanding. The systems by which it functions, whether political, economic, or religious, are destined to produce both good and evil. It all depends who's running them. Heart change is what's needed in order for evil to perish. We need love to come alive in the heart of this world creation.

How can this love be attained? We may demonstrate a semblance of love from time to time, but it usually doesn't take long before we are judging and condemning again. We somehow lose the love. Our focus goes back onto us. We seem to always be concerned about how we will be affected. We want control. We want to be in charge. We want to be important. We want significance. All these desires center in our ego which is constantly working for its own survival. This part of us, whatever you want to call it (ego, self, desires), it works against "what is". It works against reality.

What is reality? God is love. God is in us. The love we need is present in us. This is pretty simple. Why is it not obvious then? Because we don't believe it. We believe we are our history or our yet unrealized future. We believe our thinking. We believe our ego mind talking inside us. And it is talking all the time. Our mind has the ability to convince us of anything, whether real or unreal because survival is deemed necessary. Mind activity can hide who we really are. We are not our thoughts. Our ego thinks we are and has spent our whole life trying to convince us that it is what matters. We have covered our true selves over with blankets of cultural, societal, and religious thinking. We think we are these things that have influenced us. We are not. We are uniquely created spirit beings that live to show the light of the creation.

It might take some time to figure out what the ego claims as its possession. A daily reckoning of what is real and what is not begins to expose our true heart where love and light reside. This is God in us. This is our true self. I don't know how it happens but it does. This life/light begins to change the heart of judgment and condemnation into a heart of love. An aliveness comes. Rest takes work's place and the yoke becomes easy. By simply bringing awareness (recognition) to what does not belong, transformation commences. Simply observe the problem. We are not needed in the fixing of it other than observation. The shining of light accomplishes the fixing. I don't know how it works. I just know that it does.

places of the heart

For a New

Beginning

In out-of-the-way places of the heart,
Where your thoughts never think to wander,
This beginning has been quietly forming,
Waiting until you were ready to emerge.

For a long time it has watched your desire,
Feeling the emptiness growing inside you,
Noticing how you willed yourself on,
Still unable to leave what you had outgrown.

It watched you play with the seduction of safety
And the gray promises that sameness whispered,
Heard the waves of turmoil rise and relent,
Wondered would you always live like this.

Then the delight, when your courage kindled,
And out you stepped onto new ground,
Your eyes young again with energy and dream,
A path of plenitude opening before you.

Though your destination is not yet clear
You can trust the promise of this opening;
Unfurl yourself into the grace of beginning
That is at one with your life's desire.

Awaken your spirit to adventure;
Hold nothing back, learn to find ease in risk;
Soon you will be home in a new rhythm,
For your soul senses the world that awaits you.

~ John O'Donohue

a beautiful mess

My 23-year-old son introduced me to Jason Mraz about a month ago. This morning I was listening to some of his music and when I heard this song I knew I wanted to share it.

I'd like to dedicate this song to my husband for sharing this amazing life with me. Either one of us could be the singer singing these words.

A Beautiful Mess
Jason Mraz

You've got the best of both worlds
You're the kind of girl who can take down a man,
And lift him back up again
You are strong but you're needy,
Humble but you're greedy
And based on your body language,
And shoddy cursive I've been reading
Your style is quite selective,
Though your mind is rather reckless
Well I guess it just suggests
That this is just what happiness is

And what a beautiful mess this is
It's like we're picking up trash in dresses

Well it kind of hurts when the kind of words you write
Kind of turn themselves into knives
And don't mind my nerve you could call it fiction
But I like being submerged in your contradictions dear
'Cause here we are, here we are

Although you are biased I love your advice
Your comebacks they're quick
And probably have to do with your insecurities
There's no shame in being crazy
Depending on how you take these
Words I'm paraphrasing this relationship we are staging

And what a beautiful mess this is
It's like we're picking up trash in dresses

Well it kind of hurts when the kind of words you say
Kind of turn themselves into blades
And kind and courteous is a life I've heard
But it's so nice to say that we played in the dirt oh dear
Cause here we are, Here we are
Here we are [x7]
We're still here
What a beautiful mess this is
It's like we're taking a guess when the only answer is yes

And through timeless words, and priceless pictures
We will fly like birds not of this earth
And times they turn, and hearts disfigure
But that's no concern when we're wounded together
And we tore our dresses, and we stained our shirts
But it's so nice today, oh the wait was so worth it.

no stone will be left, part 2

Continuing on from part 1 where I've quoted Anthony de Mello in his book The Way To Love. Most of us despise others judging us, yet we don't see that we too judge either intentionally or more likely out of habit, not realizing that that's what we've done. This writing is helping me to understand how this process happens and that there is a solution to judgmentalism.

"Let us examine these layers one at a time. First, your beliefs. If you experience life as a communist or a capitalist, as a Moslem or a Jew, you are experiencing life in a prejudiced, slanted way; there is a barrier, a layer of fat between Reality and you because you no longer see and touch it directly.

"Second layer: your ideas. If you hold on to an idea about someone, then you no longer love that person but your idea of that person. You see him/her do or say something or behave in a certain kind of way and you slap a label on: She is silly or he is dull or he is cruel or she is very sweet, etc. So now you have a screen, a layer of fat between you and this person because when you next meet him/her you will experience them in terms of that idea of yours even though they have changed. Observe how you have done this with almost everyone you know.

"Third layer: habits. A habit is essential to human living. How would we ever walk or speak or drive a car unless we relied on habit? But habits must be limited to things mechanical -- not to love or to sight. Who wants to be loved from habit? Have you ever sat on a seashore spellbound by the majesty and the mystery of the ocean? A fisherman looks at the ocean daily and does not notice its grandeur. Why? The dulling effect of a layer of fat called habit. You have formed fixed ideas of all the things you see and, when encountering them, it is not them you see in all their changing freshness, but the same dull, thick, boring idea acquired through habit. And that is how you deal with people and with things, how you relate to them: no freshness, no newness, but the same dull, routine (boring) ways produced by habit. You are incapable of looking in other, more creative ways, for, having developed a habit for dealing with the world and with people, you can put your mind on automatic pilot and go to sleep."

"Fourth layer: your attachments and your fears. This layer is the easiest to see. Put a thick coating of attachment, of fear (and therefore dislike) on to anything or anyone -- in that very instant you cease to see that person or thing as it really is. Just recall some of the persons you dislike or fear or are attached to and you will see how true this is.

"Do you see now how you are in a prison created by the beliefs and traditions of your society and culture and by the ideas, prejudices, attachments and fears of your past experiences? Wall upon wall surrounds your prison cell so that it seems almost impossible that you will ever break out and make contact with the richness of life and love and freedom that lies beyond your prison fortress. And yet the task, far from being impossible, is actually easy and delightful.

"What can you do to break out?"

Continue to part 3

no stone will be left, part 1

Recently I've been thoroughly enmeshed in the audio and writings of a man named Anthony de Mello. I heard about his work on one of the blogs that I follow. He was a Jesuit priest from India who died in 1987. His work was based in India and later in life he discovered some keys to living life that he wrote about. I’m posting, over the next several days, a writing where he gives ideas on how change occurs in our lives if we cooperate and understand the dynamics of our basic makeup. This comes from his book entitled The Way To Love.

"When his disciples came to point out to him the buildings of the temple, he answered them “you see all these, do you not? Truly, I say to you, there will not be left here one stone upon another, that will not be thrown down.” Matthew 24:1-2

"Think of a flabby person covered with layers of fat. That is what your mind can become -- flabby, covered with layers of fat till it becomes too dull and lazy to think, to observe, to explore, to discover. It loses its alertness, its aliveness, its flexibility and goes to sleep. Look around you and you will see almost everyone with minds like that: dull, asleep, protected by layers of fat, not wanting to be disturbed or questioned into wakefulness.

"What are these layers? They are every belief that you hold, every conclusion you have reached about persons and things, every habit and every attachment. In your formative years you should have been helped to scrape off these layers and liberate your mind. Instead your society, your culture, which put these layers on your mind in the first place, has educated you to not even notice them, to go to sleep and let other people -- the experts: your politicians, your cultural and religious leaders -- do your thinking for you. So you are weighed down with the load of unexamined, unquestioned authority and tradition."

Continue to part 2

Who Am I?

This is a photo taken of me out front of our house on the farm when I was somewhere between one and two years of age. How much have I changed since this photo was taken? Did who I am change? Certainly much has been added since then. My familial and cultural environment have influenced the development of my mind, emotions, and body. Are these who I am? Certainly I am not my body. And for years I lived as though I was the summation of my mind and emotions, but I don't think this way anymore.

The essence of who I am is the part of me that identifies with God. I have the ability to observe my thoughts and emotions. The fact that I can observe these things is an indication that something other than mind and emotions exists inside me. I call this entity my spirit or true self... the part of me that comes from and is connected to God.

The thinking mind & feeling emotions thrive by creating baggage from past successes and failures. They also create baggage of future events, expectations of fear and hope. I call it baggage because past and future cannot be lived now. When we try to live in our memories and expectations we get suffering and emptiness on the negative side. Or we get temporary happiness and short-lived fulfillment on the positive side. But it is only temporary. Children don't do this. Children live in the "now".

I think that I am this child in the purest sense. I am not my accumulated mental and emotional baggage. Jesus told us to be like little children if we want to enter the Kingdom. The Kingdom belongs to "such as these" (Matthew 19:14). Little children don't carry baggage. So, daily, I'm recognizing the baggage and trusting God to transform me in the process. I don't understand how the transformation takes place. I just know that it's happening without me doing anything more than looking at it and seeing it for what it is.

"...and be not conformed to this age, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, for your proving what [is] the will of God -- the good, and acceptable, and perfect." Romans 12:2 (Young's Literal Translation)