affliction

"Affliction makes God appear to be absent for a time, more absent than a dead man, more absent than light in the utter darkness of a cell. A kind of horror submerges the soul. During this absence there is nothing to love. What is terrible is that if, in this darkness where there is nothing to love, the soul ceases to love, God's absence becomes final. The soul has to go on loving in the emptiness, or at least to go on wanting to love, though it may only be with an infinitesimal part of itself. Then, one day, God will come to show himself to this soul and to reveal the beauty of the world to it, as in the case of Job. But if the soul stops loving it falls, even in this life, into something almost equivalent to hell." Simone Weil

love one another

Anthony de Mello's writings have had a huge impact on me. It's like I've arrived home. This is what I've been looking for. He makes sense. His simplicity requires thought however. The following is a chapter in his little book The Way To Love. If we can begin to understand love, I think we can begin to live life the way we're meant to. I'm talking about the abundant life that we've always wanted but only read about in books or heard others speak of and yet we've never been able to maintain. That place of contentment and flow... the place of love. How can we get there? I think this points in that direction.

Love One Another

“This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you.” Jesus

"What is love? Take a look at a rose. Is it possible for the rose to say, “I shall offer my fragrance to good people and withhold it from bad people?” Or can you imagine a lamp that withholds its rays from a wicked person who seeks to walk in its light? It could only do that by ceasing to be a lamp. And observe how helplessly and indiscriminately a tree gives its shade to everyone, good and bad, young and old, high and low; to animals and humans and every living creature --- even to the one who seeks to cut it down. So this is the quality of love: its indiscriminate character. That is why we are exhorted to be like God, “who makes his sun to shine on good and bad alike and makes his rain to fall on saints and sinners alike; so you must be all goodness as your heavenly Father is all goodness.” Contemplate in astonishment the sheer goodness of the rose, the lamp, the tree, for there you have an image of what love is all about.

"How does one attain this quality of love? Anything you do will only make it forced, cultivated and therefore phony, for love cannot be forced. There is nothing you can do. But there is something you can drop. Observe the marvelous change that comes over you the moment you stop seeing people as good and bad, as saints and sinners and begin to see them as unaware and ignorant. You must drop your false belief that people can sin in awareness. Sin occurs, not, as we mistakenly think, in malice, but in ignorance. “Father, forgive them for they do not know what they are doing.” To see this is to acquire the indiscriminate quality one so admires in the rose, the lamp and the tree.

"And here is a second quality of love --- its gratuitousness. Like the tree, the rose, the lamp, it gives and asks for nothing in return. How we despise the man whose choice of his wife is determined not by any quality she may have but by the amount of money she will bring as dowry. Such a man, we rightly say, loves not the woman but the financial benefit she brings him. But is your own love any different when you seek the company of those who bring you emotional gratification and avoid those who don’t; when you are positively disposed toward people who give you what you want and live up to your expectations and are negative or indifferent toward those who don’t? Here too there is only one thing that you need do to acquire this quality of gratuitousness that characterizes love. You can open your eyes and see. Just seeing, just exposing your so-called love for what it really is, a camouflage for selfishness and greed, is a major step toward arriving at this second quality of love.

"The third quality of love is its un-self-consciousness. Love so enjoys the loving that it is blissfully unaware of itself. The way the lamp is busy shining with no thought of whether it is benefiting others or not. The way a rose gives out its fragrance simply because there is nothing else it can do, whether there is someone to enjoy the fragrance or not. The way the tree offers its shade. The light, the fragrance and the shade are not produced at the approach of persons and turned off when there is no one there. These things, like love, exist independently of persons. Love simply is, it has no object. They simply are, regardless of whether someone will benefit from them or not. So they have no consciousness of any merit or of doing good. Their left hand has no consciousness of what their right hand does. “Lord, when did we see you hungry or thirsty and help you?”

"The final quality of love is its freedom. The moment coercion or control or conflict enters, love dies. Think how the rose, the tree, the lamp leave you completely free. The tree will make no effort to drag you into its shade if you are in danger of a sunstroke. The lamp will not force its light on you lest you stumble in the dark. Think for a while of all the coercion and control that you submit to on the part of others when you so anxiously live up to their expectations in order to buy their love and approval or because you fear you will lose them. Each time you submit to this control and this coercion you destroy the capacity to love which is your very nature, for you cannot but do to others what you allow others to do to you. Contemplate, then, all the control and coercion in your life and hopefully this contemplation alone will cause them to drop. The moment they drop, freedom will arise. And freedom is just another word for love."

No formula needed... just an understanding of what is already inside us.

a beautiful mess

My 23-year-old son introduced me to Jason Mraz about a month ago. This morning I was listening to some of his music and when I heard this song I knew I wanted to share it.

I'd like to dedicate this song to my husband for sharing this amazing life with me. Either one of us could be the singer singing these words.

A Beautiful Mess
Jason Mraz

You've got the best of both worlds
You're the kind of girl who can take down a man,
And lift him back up again
You are strong but you're needy,
Humble but you're greedy
And based on your body language,
And shoddy cursive I've been reading
Your style is quite selective,
Though your mind is rather reckless
Well I guess it just suggests
That this is just what happiness is

And what a beautiful mess this is
It's like we're picking up trash in dresses

Well it kind of hurts when the kind of words you write
Kind of turn themselves into knives
And don't mind my nerve you could call it fiction
But I like being submerged in your contradictions dear
'Cause here we are, here we are

Although you are biased I love your advice
Your comebacks they're quick
And probably have to do with your insecurities
There's no shame in being crazy
Depending on how you take these
Words I'm paraphrasing this relationship we are staging

And what a beautiful mess this is
It's like we're picking up trash in dresses

Well it kind of hurts when the kind of words you say
Kind of turn themselves into blades
And kind and courteous is a life I've heard
But it's so nice to say that we played in the dirt oh dear
Cause here we are, Here we are
Here we are [x7]
We're still here
What a beautiful mess this is
It's like we're taking a guess when the only answer is yes

And through timeless words, and priceless pictures
We will fly like birds not of this earth
And times they turn, and hearts disfigure
But that's no concern when we're wounded together
And we tore our dresses, and we stained our shirts
But it's so nice today, oh the wait was so worth it.

the way to freedom and love

How do we approach life? Do we think, "produce, produce, produce"? And thus, "succeed, succeed, succeed"? Are we consumed with success and the doing of things expecting to reap some kind of applause from people or maybe even from God? What is it that motivates our doing?

The Way To Love
"You have probably been brainwashed into the following consumeristic way of thinking: To enjoy a poem or a landscape or a piece of music seems a waste of time; you must produce a poem or a composition or a work of art. Even to produce it is of little value in itself; your work must be known. What good is it if no one ever knows it? And even if it is known, that means nothing if it is not applauded and praised by people. Your work achieves maximum value if it becomes popular and sells! So you are back again into the arms and control of people. The value of an action, according to them, is not in its being loved and done and enjoyed for itself, but in its success."

The author goes on to say that "actions that are engaged in for themselves without an eye to success or to gain" will lead us to love and Reality. (To me, Reality is God.) De Mello says,

"The moment you touch this Reality you will know what freedom and love are. Freedom from people -- and so the ability to love them."

"You must not think for love to arise in your heart, you must first meet people. That would not be love but attraction or compassion. Rather it is love that first springs in the heart through your contact with the Real. Not love for any particular person or thing but the reality of love -- an attitude, a disposition of love. This love then radiates outward to the world of things and persons.

"If you desire this love to exist in your life you must break loose from your inward dependence on people by becoming aware of it and by engaging in activities that you love to do for themselves."

It seems that forever on this earth I have struggled to love people. I've approached it backwards. Attraction to a person or compassion for people is not love. Depending on someone else to meet a need you think you have is not love. It's self-centered self-interest.

Haven't we all lived like this most of our lives? Wanting someone else to perform in just the right fashion so that we'll be happy? It shows itself in myriad situations... with our marriage, our children, our loved ones, our president, our sports teams, our boss or fellow employees. It boils down to self-centered, self-interested living.

Love springs up from inside only when we break loose from our dependence and become engaged in doing things we love for no other reason than we love the doing of them. Love is not something that we create. It is present in us. It is God. It is abundance.

do what you love

Continuing from yesterday's entry in The Way To Love ...

"People have become so much a part of your being that you cannot even imagine living a life that is unaffected or uncontrolled by them. As a matter of fact, they have convinced you that if you ever broke free of them, you would become an island -- solitary, bleak, unloving. But the exact opposite is true. How can you love someone whom you are a slave to? How can you love someone whom you cannot live without? You can only desire, need, depend and fear and be controlled. Love is to be found only in fearlessness and freedom. How do you achieve this freedom? By means of a two-pronged attack on your dependency and slavery.

First, awareness. It is next to impossible to be dependent, to be a slave, when one constantly observes the folly of one's dependence. But awareness may not be enough for a person whose addiction is people. You must cultivate activities that you love. You must discover work that you do, not for its utility, but for itself. Think of something that you love to do for itself, whether it succeeds or not, whether you are praised for it or not, whether you are loved and rewarded for it or not, whether people know about it and are grateful to you for it or not. How many activities can you count in your life that you engage in simply because they delight you and grip your soul? Find them out, cultivate them, for they are your passport to freedom and to love."

Refreshing and scary at the same time. Looking back at my life, after raising four children, for the most part, and being married for over 28 years, I know that I have lost track of some parts of my soul, who I am. Not taking time for myself is probably the biggest mistake I've made through the years. I was so darned busy!!!! Being a person that "goes along to get along" and will sacrifice for the greater good did not help either.

My cultural and societal programming from childhood caused much of the disconnect I'm sure. All the things that a good mother and wife does, right? Nurturing of self does not get on the top of many lists when sometimes all we're trying to do is survive.

So, now that I have time and see my need, I'm going to figure out what it is that I love to do. Not an easy question to answer. Lots of layers to peel away. I'm going to find a nice place to rest and think on this one. I have eternity, right?

empty lives filled with people

At this time in my life I don't have contact with many people. Life's events have turned me toward introspection. I find from time to time concerns of what other people may think or say about me or my family. Silly? Perhaps. Human? Definitely! When I look at it further, however, I conclude that there is no use for nor reality in this kind of thinking. Delusion might be a good word to use here. It only brings bondage. What does it even matter what others think? I'd rather be free.

I read this paragraph this morning taken from The Way To Love by Tony de Mello. I think most of the world lives like this. Lives empty... filled with people.

"Look at your life and see how you have filled its emptiness with people. As a result they have a stranglehold on you. See how they control your behavior by their approval and disapproval. They hold power to ease your loneliness with their company, to send your spirit soaring with their praise, to bring you down to the depths with their criticism and rejection. Take a look at yourself spending almost every waking minute of your day placating and pleasing people, whether they are living or dead. You live by their norms, conform to their standards, seek their company, desire their love, dread their ridicule, long for their applause, meekly submit to the guilt they lay upon you; you are terrified to go against the fashion in the way you dress or speak or act or even think. And observe how even when you control them you depend on them and are enslaved by them."