"People have become so much a part of your being that you cannot even imagine living a life that is unaffected or uncontrolled by them. As a matter of fact, they have convinced you that if you ever broke free of them, you would become an island -- solitary, bleak, unloving. But the exact opposite is true. How can you love someone whom you are a slave to? How can you love someone whom you cannot live without? You can only desire, need, depend and fear and be controlled. Love is to be found only in fearlessness and freedom. How do you achieve this freedom? By means of a two-pronged attack on your dependency and slavery.
First, awareness. It is next to impossible to be dependent, to be a slave, when one constantly observes the folly of one's dependence. But awareness may not be enough for a person whose addiction is people. You must cultivate activities that you love. You must discover work that you do, not for its utility, but for itself. Think of something that you love to do for itself, whether it succeeds or not, whether you are praised for it or not, whether you are loved and rewarded for it or not, whether people know about it and are grateful to you for it or not. How many activities can you count in your life that you engage in simply because they delight you and grip your soul? Find them out, cultivate them, for they are your passport to freedom and to love."
Refreshing and scary at the same time. Looking back at my life, after raising four children, for the most part, and being married for over 28 years, I know that I have lost track of some parts of my soul, who I am. Not taking time for myself is probably the biggest mistake I've made through the years. I was so darned busy!!!! Being a person that "goes along to get along" and will sacrifice for the greater good did not help either.
My cultural and societal programming from childhood caused much of the disconnect I'm sure. All the things that a good mother and wife does, right? Nurturing of self does not get on the top of many lists when sometimes all we're trying to do is survive.
So, now that I have time and see my need, I'm going to figure out what it is that I love to do. Not an easy question to answer. Lots of layers to peel away. I'm going to find a nice place to rest and think on this one. I have eternity, right?
1 comment:
Mary... wow! I feel the reality in your words. Thanks for expressing this. We must talk about it soon.
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