At year's end I should have something to say, I suppose. Flipping the calendar from one year to the next is a good time to review the past and plan for the future.
Two thousand nine has witnessed a couple of events that I would mark as important. Probably the most significant personally, after nearly three years of search and study, is that I no longer see religion as something with significant meaning in my life. I cannot expunge a lifetime of religion from my life nor do I desire to do so, but I've decided to eliminate it from my day to day living. Whether or not there is a God is something I am not able to determine. Frankly, no one ever has. It is simply an indeterminable fact whether God exists or not and that is okay with me. I'm finding life meaningful in venues that are not religiously related.
Family wise we experienced the college graduation of our oldest son. Our second son continues working with his dad in business, the third continues in his studies of music and linguistics, while the youngest abides at home with her mom. Our studies of algebra, science, history, grammar, etc. continue. (We really do have a lot of fun.)
I thought I’d note my book list for 2009. It tells a part of my journey. This year I read: Taking Flight, The Way To Love, and Awareness by Anthony De Mello; The Power of Now and A New Earth by Eckhart Tolle; Loving What Is by Byron Katie; Summerhill School by A.S. Neill; The God Delusion by Richard Dawkins; Billions and Billions by Carl Sagan; A Brief History of Time by Stephen Hawking; Christianity Before Christ by John G. Jackson; Breaking the Spell: Religion as a Natural Phenomenon by Daniel C. Dennett.
My “To Read List“, a few of which I've already started includes: The Greatest Show On Earth by Richard Dawkins; Why Evolution is True by Jerry Coyne; The Demon-haunted World by Carl Sagan; How We Believe and Why Darwin Matters by Michael Shermer; What I Believe by Bertrand Russell; Guns, Germs, and Steel by Jared Diamond; The End of Faith and Letter To A Christian Nation by Sam Harris; and a few more. That should pretty much take care of 2010.
My increased thirst for knowledge and understanding came after many years of getting along and not rocking the boat. Five years ago my life support systems failed. I’ve had to redo so many things. Determined not to build upon the same foundations, here I am today living a different sort of life. It is a happier life, a more fulfilled life in many ways. Fragments of the past surface from time to time, but I’m gradually laying to rest the former illusions and presuppositions. It is a wonderful life and 2010 will no doubt bring more surprises my way… looking forward to it.
7 comments:
Hi Mary
Happy New Year!
I have been reading your blog (and Abaraham's) with interest. I often identify with you both.
Anyway, I was wondering if you would be willing to share what your children currently believe regarding God as far as you are aware, and do you discuss these things with them. How do they feel about your changing belief system?
Warm regards
Julia
Julia,
I can't believe I missed your comment. Jan. 1 seems a long way off now, sorry. Happy New Year to you!
Our children seem to be coming along side of us and experiencing similar changes. Our oldest slipped away from organized religion a number of years before we did, under not very dissimilar circumstances. But he was already living outside our home.
The three younger each have their own unique take. Their ages vary... 24, 20, & 14. They all seem to be carving their own way through the "God" thing. It is difficult for them, I'm sure, since we raised them in an evangelical church their whole lives. For a young person who has reason to believe their parents hood winked them, it is probably easier to just drop God altogether and get on with life rather than try to figure out what is right and wrong about religion.
We didn't give our kids a choice while we were all in church. Just like I never had a choice as a child to decide whether God was real or not. All I knew was that I would go to hell if I didn't accept him. How's that for starting off on the right foot in a relationship? But that is how God is presented in a lot of Christianity today.
I want my children to decide for themselves. Make an informed, intelligent decision. We are not "pro" anything with them as far as religion goes. They understand that we are wading through it just like they are. Being on equal footing is rather an amazing experience with them. It has changed how we interact. It helps that there are no more "know it all" parents around.
Hi Mary
Thanks for your reply!
My oldest son still lives at home and is now 20. He stopped coming to church as soon as he turned 18. He is quite ANTI in the things he says about Christianity. Sometimes I don't know if it is just to try and stir a reaction in me or if he really means what he says.
My daughter is 16 and just beginning her final two years of high school. My husband and I still drag her along to church with us but she hates going.
Two days ago I made some humourous comment about evolution, something like "you should have evolved enough to be able to do that by now" or some such comment. And my son said "I thought you didn't believe in evolution". And I said "I don't really know what I believe about that". That's about as honest as I have ventured to be. Basically the discussion of beliefs has become a bit of a no go zone. My husband has always just gone along with whatever I do or say to try and keep a bit of peace I think! But we have never really discussed very deep things satisfactorily :)
Thanks for your answer.
I really appreciate it.
I wish we could be more open as a family discussing things that really matter - matters of the heart and mind. But we are pretty disfunctional in that regard!
Kind regards
Julia
OK, the point of all that I guess, was to explain that I hate the division Christianity causes in our family.
And I worry if that is part of the reason I am wanting to escape. My fears are: Am I trying to avoid division at the expense of truth/salvation? Am I loving my family more than I love God?
I guess that is where I am at.
Thanks for listening!
Oh yeah, the last comment was from me again (Julia) by the way
If you look Biblically at the family issue, didn't Jesus say we have to hate our family in order to love him. To me that just doesn't mesh. It doesn't sound very loving. I question much of the Bible these days and the incongruence of so many verses. Much of it has never matched with the "love of God" concept that is spoken about from the pulpit.
Of all the responsibilities we have as adults, it seems like our children should be number 1. I never found church activities a very good substitute for relationship.
My heart agrees. My mind is trying to catch up!
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